Bruiser by Neal Shusterman

Author:Neal Shusterman
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2010-09-29T07:00:00+00:00

BREWSTER

36) RECEIVER

I stayed out till dark,

And my brother went home alone,

To face our worst nightmare.

Now I stand at the shed window

Until my legs give out.

My uncle is a weapon turned on my brother.

Now turned on me.

“Let the boy take his own due.”

But I won’t allow it, and he knows it.

Is it me my uncle beats?

Is his foot so swift,

Are his hands so furious

Because he knows it’s coming to me?

For being disloyal?

For wanting more than this?

Or is he furious at the futility,

Furious at knowing

He will never teach us to respect him?

The muddy ground,

All fours,

I roll to my side,

Ear in mud,

Knee to chest,

I swallow my screams.

Forcing them into my stomach.

Digest the pain.

Dissolve it,

Then sweat it out,

Piss it out,

Wetness spreading in my jeans,

As foul as my uncle,

Who I should hate,

But can’t.

Who I should stop,

But can’t.

This wiring inside me is all wrong.

I’m built to receive.

I can’t kill an ant,

I can’t salt a snail,

I can’t raise a hand to my uncle,

My wiring won’t let me.

So I lie in the mud,

In my pain,

In my weakness,

And my fury at him

Is nothing compared to my fury at myself.

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